Wow.

Lumberjack | Something to think about
On Valentine's Day, nothing says "I love you" like oral sex. It's a great way to express your appreciation or love for someone.

The article goes on to explain... well, nothing I didn't already know, and I very much hope nothing you didn't already know.

But because The Lumberjack is the student newspaper at Northern Arizona University...

AP | School's Sex Column Offers 'How To' Guide
PHOENIX - Top administrators at Northern Arizona University will meet with the school's publication board next week to discuss a controversial sex column that appeared in the student newspaper.

Student writer Claire Fuller authored a Feb. 12 column for The Lumberjack that offered a graphic "how to" guide on performing a sex act.

"A sex act." Nowhere in this story can the author even bring himself to say which sex act. Which really tells you all you need to know about the rest of the story.

Posted by Regin at 2/27/2004 01:12:00 AM 0 comments    

Macedonian girls dressed as bunny girls dance during a carnival in the city of Strumica, some 150 km (90 miles) southeast of Skopje, late February 24,2004. On this day Macedonians mark Trimery, an Orthodox Christian holiday, when evil spirits are chased away with dance rituals. The holiday marks the beginning of the fasting period ahead of Easter. REUTERS/Ognen Teofilovski

Now that's a Shrove Tuesday service I'd like to see.

Posted by Regin at 2/26/2004 10:10:00 AM 0 comments    

I guess if you have to find our that your airport security isn't really paying attention, this is the way.

The Sun | Porn turns air-port blue
HONG Kong Airport officials were left red faced today as it emerged a porn film was secretly shot in the departure lounge.

A porn star bared all by flashing open her silver raincoat at Chek Lap Kok airport.

..."This is outrageous," said Alex Lee, general manager of Sunflower Travel Service Ltd. "If the airport's security measures were good, how could people film a porn video there?"

If it doesn't seem too outrageous (and it doesn't, to me) that an actress might be able to "flash" a camera without attracting the attention of the people working the gate, consider this: How did the camera crew get in? Who verified what they were carrying? As cheap as some porn videos look, it still takes more than an instamatic to film them. Did the gate crew not notice, or not care?

Posted by Regin at 2/26/2004 10:09:00 AM 0 comments    

"La Fura Dels Baus XXX" opens in Sydney. SEE ALSO: Junk for Code | Sydney Morning Herald

This photograph takes my breath away. Is it hot in here? I feel faint. "Hey, honey, I need you to stop by the warehouse club on your way home and pick up a restaurant-size roll of plastic wrap... Why? Er... I'll tell you when you get here."

Posted by Regin at 2/25/2004 11:03:00 AM 0 comments    

AP | Boy Suspended for SI Magazine in School
BELPRE, Ohio - A sixth-grader started serving a three-day suspension Tuesday because he refused a lesser punishment for bringing the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue to school, the schools superintendent said.

Justin Reyes had the magazine in the gymnasium at Belpre Middle School before classes Feb. 18, and Principal Kathy Garrison cited him for violating school's policy on nonverbal harassment and possession of lewd or suggestive material, Superintendent Tim Swarr said.

Garrison ordered the 12-year-old boy to spend two days at an alternative school where students from several area districts are sent when they get into trouble.

But Swarr said Justin and his mother, Nicole Reyes, refused to accept the alternative school punishment, so the penalty was increased to three days of out-of-school suspension.

"Last time I checked, we were in charge of running the schools," Swarr said.

Last time I checked, you were serving at the pleasure of and directly responsible to the parents.

Nicole Reyes said the alternative school was too harsh a punishment.

"It's not like it was Hustler, Playboy or Penthouse," she said. "The punishment doesn't fit the crime."

Swarr said he had never seen SI's swimsuit edition before.

"I was shocked," he said. "It doesn't belong in public schools."

I agree, it doesn't belong in school. I daresay there are a lot of things in the kids' backpacks that don't belong there. Most of them don't justify a two-day sentence in the "alternative school".

Never seen it before? What color is the sky in your world? I bought my copy at my local grocery store. Do you have all your food delivered?

Posted by Regin at 2/24/2004 05:48:00 PM 0 comments    

Ah, Carnival.

Wait, is that... Dad?!?

Posted by Regin at 2/23/2004 10:06:00 AM 0 comments    

Sexy Saturday | Week 49
Do you think it is right to respect your parental units' rules by not fucking while in their house when you are a visitor, even if you are discreet?

Would you smoke in their house if they'd asked you not to?

Well, then? As has been said: their house, their rules.

That would be the right thing to do. Yep. Sure would.

Interesting phrase, "when you are a visitor". Allows me to disregard youthful indiscretions committed while I was living there. But then, we were young, and what teenager really respects his parents on this subject? (Now that I am a teenager's parent myself, I will lose sleep tonight over this question. Thanks so much.)

(My Partner in Crime and I have had sex exactly once in each of our parents' houses. At her parents' house, the whole fam damily was home at the time, asleep upstairs [or, at least, nobody has ever confessed otherwise] as we were banging away in the middle of the hall downstairs.)

Posted by Regin at 2/21/2004 05:46:00 PM 0 comments    

Labels: Sexy Saturday

Should I change the name of this site?

I hate to even consider that. I've been doing this for a year now (exactly one year today, as a matter of fact, whoopie!), and I've achieved a small amount of name recognition (and I appreciate every one of you who check in occasionally).

But I worry that the name implies something other than the page delivers. The "wired" in Wired Tales was meant to refer to the electronic medium, but in a blog featuring sexual content I have to consider the possibility that my audience will expect heavy emphasis on either bondage or electrical toys. (Not that I don't wish I had some juicy bondage stories to tell...)

And I'd like to avoid any potential trademark confusion with Wired or Weird Tales. (The name really derives from my having misread a "Weird Tales" cover as "Wired Tales", and since the thought is father to the deed, I scanned the logo, edited it in PhotoShop, and produced a "Wired Tales" logo that I don't dare use.) (Although I've also seen a few situations on the cover of the original "Weird Tales" pulp magazine that I wouldn't mind recreating...)

Anyway, that's neither here nor there. I'm thinking of changing the name of the blog. My best idea at the moment is "Rupert Explains It All", and that might bring in too many Nickelodeon fans googling for Clarissa. Or I could do the "Welcome to the City of Ruperton: Population, me" thing. That has possibilities.

I'm open to suggestions. There's e-mail and comment links over there.

Posted by Regin at 2/20/2004 09:35:00 AM 0 comments    

Ashville (NC) Citizen-Times | Mars Hill professor resigns after student undresses in class
MARS HILL - Mars Hill College has accepted the resignation of a longtime professor after he challenged students to disrobe in exchange for an A in his sociology class and one of them took him up on the offer.

College President Dan Lunsford said the professor didn't expect the student would actually take off his clothes during the class last Thursday evening. The instructor's offer was intended to illustrate cultural differences and that public nudity is unacceptable in American society, he said.

"He did not expect it to happen," Lunsford said. "The professor realized that this had gone much beyond what he ever anticipated, and he was shocked and dismayed."

Posted by Regin at 2/20/2004 09:08:00 AM 0 comments    

Sorry I've been absent lately: I've just had a handful of real-world jobs to do. I haven't given up.

Posted by Regin at 2/19/2004 09:26:00 PM 0 comments    

AP | Man Plans Topless Coffee Shop in Maine
MADISON, Maine - Tired of the same old Starbucks and Dunkin' Donuts? The Madison Planning Board tonight takes up a man's application to open a topless coffee shop on Main Street.

Normand St. Michel says his plan to employ partially nude waitresses is intended to boost the establishment's chances of success. He says the idea is to do something different to attract coffee drinkers.

St. Michel says he also wants to run a clean business in which no alcohol will be sold.

Madison's code enforcement officer says he knows of no town ordinances that would bar such an operation. Robert Dunphy Jr. also said he doesn't think the interior of the coffee shop would be visible from the street.

And when they ask you if you want milk, don't try to be cute, just answer the question...

LATER: What a surprise. Somebody complained to the town planning board.

CentralMaine.com | Saco man rethinks topless cafe
Ann Harsh, who works at a convenience store on Main Street, was one of those voicing opposition and said outside the Planning Board meeting that she was glad St Michel was having second thoughts. Madison has plenty of places where people can get a cup of coffee and doesn't need one that focuses on sex, she said.

"If it revolved more around coffee and Danishes and antiques, that is one thing," said Harsh, of Madison.

And she pointed out that the prospect of semi-nude waitresses serving hot coffee could be hazardous.

Posted by Regin at 2/19/2004 09:23:00 PM 0 comments    

WPVI | T-Shirt Leads to Town Tizzy
CLIMAX, Minn. (AP) _ Showing town spirit in Climax is cause for punishment in this Minnesota town.

Shirley Moberg, superintendent of Climax-Shelly schools, said T-shirts bearing the town's slogan "Climax -- More than just a feeling," are inappropriate because of the sexual innuendo.

About a dozen students wore centennial T-shirts to school this week in protest, and one girl was sent home Wednesday for refusing to turn her shirt inside out.

School officials had said nothing to students wearing the shirts until recently, when a teacher wore it to school and a person complained. The shirts are no longer allowed to be worn at school, she said.

Climax, a town of 270 near the North Dakota border, adopted the "More than a feeling" slogan in 1996 for its centennial. The slogan was used in advertising and promotions, and the T-shirts have been around for years.

And none of the stories say how to get one...

Posted by Regin at 2/15/2004 01:19:00 AM 0 comments    

Sexy Saturday | Week 48
Are you doing anything special for Valentine's Day?

No. She has to work. We may do something special before the weekend is over, but our schedules are far too uncertain at this point for me to make any plans. I got her a present, which I've already given her.

Do you think the day has become too commercial?

No. Well, yes, but no. (Perfectly clear.)

I mean, compared to Christmas and Halloween...

Tell us about your best/worst V-days.

We so seldom do anything special for Valentine's Day that I have no answer for this question.

Posted by Regin at 2/14/2004 09:55:00 AM 0 comments    

Labels: Sexy Saturday

Reuters | Husband calls foul after seeing wife on porn site
ATHENS (Reuters) - An angry husband who came across a video of his wife having sex with her lover on the Internet called the police who arrested a man suspected of filming a string of people without their consent, police say.

The 25-year-old cheating wife had been secretly filmed and the video was posted on the net when the man stumbled across it. "The husband saw his wife and immediately called a prosecutor to get his wife's clip off the net," a police source said.

After checking the suspect's computers, officers discovered hundreds of erotic clips filmed without consent which were posted on a free access site. The suspect was charged with violating a "sensitive personal information" act.

If you stumbled across a video on the Internet of your partner having sex with someone else, would you...

(A) Confront your partner
(B) Confront your partner's lover
(C) Call the district attorney
(D) Just be glad it wasn't you

Posted by Regin at 2/12/2004 10:32:00 PM 0 comments    

Sexy Saturday | Week 47
Describe your best first date.

Hm. I've only had three first dates. The first was abysmal. The second showed promise, which I thoughtlessly didn't--or naively didn't know how to--follow up on until it was too late.

The third...

Well, that was the girl I married, so I suppose by definition it went well. To be perfectly honest, I was so dazed by the situation that I don't remember specifics. I barely remember where we went. (The date I remember as our first Real Date, we spent the day at Six Flags, where I made a fool of myself at least once. There's a lot to be said for a nice, sedate carousel.)

Having a friend who was constantly pushing us to get laid just served to slow me down. It took us eight months. In my experience, virginity tends to re-enforce itself. It's much easier to wait if you don't know what you're missing, especially if you also don't know what you're doing.

How far should you go on a first date?

As far as you both want. It is possible to know someone pretty well before you ever actually go on anything that can be described as a date. Sex seems a little extreme for a first date, but I wouldn't presume to judge people or situations I don't know anything about.

Posted by Regin at 2/08/2004 10:40:00 AM 0 comments    

Labels: Sexy Saturday

This image is from the Associated Press via Yahoo, and was taken in the streets of Montevideo, Uruguay.

Now, see, Janet Jackson was just in the wrong place.

Posted by Regin at 2/07/2004 07:46:00 PM 0 comments    

I don't know what's more entertaining: This AFP report...

AFP | Woman's chastity belt set off airport security alarm
ATHENS (AFP) - When a 40-year old British woman set off a metal detector alarm at Athens airport, bemused security staff found that it was caused by a chastity belt she was wearing.

"It happened a few days before Christmas. The metal detector went off and after a further check we found out she was wearing a chastity belt," airport police official Dimitris Tzouvaras told AFP, confirming a report in the daily newspaper To Vima.

"The woman was allowed to fly on to London on the pilot's responsibility," Tzouvaras added Friday.

According to the press report, the woman told police officers her husband had forced her to put on the belt to make sure she had no extra-marital affair during a brief visit to Greece.

Tzouvaras did not comment on that report.

...or the responses it generated at Lucianne, most of which express naive surprise that they still make chastity belts. (Sorry, the original Lucianne discussion has fallen off their archives--or been removed--and I neglected to copy the comments before it went.)

Of course, we know better, don't we? They even make them in non-metallic models that don't set off metal detectors...

Posted by Regin at 2/06/2004 01:55:00 PM 0 comments    

As I've said before, I don't like to just repeat links I've seen elsewhere, since you could just as easily have already been there. But if for some reason you aren't reading Bacchus' ErosBlog, it is there that I saw a link to this non-English, extremely unsafe-for-work page. I have been staring at this off and on for a couple of days now, and I'm still not sure that I'm seeing what I think I'm seeing. If you like surprises, I'll hide this description of what it appears to be: the inside of an extremely supple vagina. If not for the presence of hair, I would think it is instead the inside of a well-cleaned turkey ready for stuffing, and I'm not yet convinced this isn't a hoax of some kind... And the kind readers who've commented on the original link at ErosBlog seem to be just as uncertain as I...

But... Damn.

Posted by Regin at 2/06/2004 11:36:00 AM 0 comments    

Labels: improbable

Okay, I'm over it.

I was suckered into reacting, like so many others. And I'm a little ashamed of my part in making The Revelation of Saint Janet into a bigger deal than it needed to be.

That said, of course, I'm going to say something else about it. Something original, I hope.

It appears that it actually was a last-minute addition to the program that didn't go as planned. That doesn't make it All Right, but not because there's an undraped pierced nipple involved. Given what I know about the art of costuming (I'm no expert, but I've sewn a few in my time), breakaway clothes generally have to be specially constructed to break away on demand and not before. (I remember Britney Spears' strip at the VMA a couple of years ago, to the tune of "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction." Part of the ensemble gave way early and spoiled the surprise--and the rest didn't want to release at all: Britney had to struggle to get it off.) The wardrobe mistress had time to engineer a removable breastplate for Janet, however flawed the execution. It was planned, just badly planned.

But even that really isn't The Point.

The point is that two extremely-well-paid performers chose the most valuable broadcast time they possibly could have done, in the middle of a set piece requiring dozens of people to perform and hundreds to coordinate, and which has financial consequences for thousands of people across the country and around the world, in front of potentially a hundred million pairs of eyes*...

These two halfwits chose this extremely expensive, extremely visible venue to go off-script and improvise a move they hadn't adequately rehearsed. Highly unprofessional.

I guess if enough hangers-on tell you thou art an artiste and thy crappe stinketh not, you get to believe it eventually.

How many of us find ourselves in a position that acting on a stray "wouldn't it be cool if..." thought can derail a multi-million-dollar money machine?

When Janet and Justin were deciding whether to indulge their whims, did they give any thought to the people whose livelihoods depend on them?

I wouldn't trust either one of them in any live venue again.

* Although, isn't it odd that so many comments begin with "Actually, I didn't see the Grand Unveiling myself, we weren't paying much attention to this train wreck of a halftime show..."

Jay Leno: I love how high and mighty they get - they said "The moment did not conform to CBS's broadcast standards." "Standards?" What standards? They ran a commercial with a horse farting in a woman's face.

Posted by Regin at 2/03/2004 11:44:00 PM 0 comments    

Breaking, uh, news.

Or, how we top the Lingerie Bowl.

LATER: But they're sorry.

AP | CBS Apologizes for Jackson's Exposure
CBS apologized on Sunday for an unexpectedly R-rated end to its Super Bowl halftime show, when singer Justin Timberlake tore off part of Janet Jackson's top, exposing her breast.

"CBS deeply regrets the incident," spokeswoman LeslieAnne Wade said after the network received several calls about the show.

The two singers were performing a flirtatious duet to end the halftime show, and at the song's finish, Timberlake reached across Jackson's leather gladiator outfit and pulled off the covering to her right breast.

The network quickly cut away from the shot, and did not mention the incident on the air.

Timberlake said he did not intend to expose Jackson's breast.

"I am sorry that anyone was offended by the wardrobe malfunction during the halftime performance of the Super Bowl," Timberlake said in a statement. "It was not intentional and is regrettable."

"Wardrobe malfunction"? So, Justin, you were supposed to pull off Janet's breastplate on national television, but something else was supposed to happen? What were you expecting? The CBS eye?

LATER YET: Daze Reader is on the story. Odds are good it was no accident.

THE NEXT DAY: Oh, now the FCC is on the case. I feel better now. (Do I need to flag this as sarcasm?)

Look, it's not the breast per se. I'm a big fan of breasts. I think I'd already seen enough of Janet Jackson's, but that's not the point. It's the nature of the stunt. There's no art, no grace, no beauty to it at all. It's just a Beavis and Butthead moment where two extremely well paid children snicker at each other, "You flashed a boob, heh-heh, heh-heh". People bring families to the Super Bowl, whether in person or via television: It's a game. It's not the time or place for a surprise Sexual Freedom statement. The key word is "surprise".

I'm thinking that their consequences should probably match those of the streaker on the field. I'm not able to see any moral difference.

There goes the rest of my sexblog street cred.

EVEN LATER: Welcome, all you Daze Readers!

Posted by Regin at 2/01/2004 09:34:00 PM 0 comments    

Sexy Saturday | Week 46
What's the longest you've gone without sex?

I used to try not to keep track. These days, since I've discovered I can't not think about it, I track it precisely. I have it on my appointment calendar (the file that nobody else ever sees). It's there to give me some perspective, to remind me when things are really getting desperate, versus when they just feel desperate to me.

Anyway. Let me see... Longest documented break is five months.

Current dry spell: Two weeks. Sadly, not unusual.

Do you believe in that born-again-virgin stuff?

No.

Is it good to take a break from all the emotional issues that come from having sex?

No. The absence of sex creates emotional issues for men.

Posted by Regin at 2/01/2004 05:56:00 PM 0 comments    

Labels: Sexy Saturday

Candy for Dirty Minds has the right idea. If the Game itself is worried about competition from the pay-per-view Lingerie Bowl (why didn't I think of that?), Neilsen doesn't have enough numbers to count the viewers who would watch a Super Bowl with naked cheerleaders.

Posted by Regin at 2/01/2004 05:40:00 PM 0 comments